(This post was inspired by
an entry from
nobody_911)
I remember that every time I've ever had it bad for a girl, whether she returned that affection or not, each new crush was worse than the last. At one point with one girl it got so bad that I couldn't even fathom any form of appreciation higher than what I was feeling for her at that time. I thought it was the end-all and be-all, that I had somehow reached an even higher level of appreciation for another person than anything anyone had ever felt before!
But I got over each and every one of those girls, typically slowly and painstakingly if it hadn't worked out, and even more slowly and painstakingly if it had worked out but was finally over.
And after that, not right away but still every time... there'd be always be a new crush that felt at
least infinity-times heavier than the previous crush that had itself supposedly transcended all previous precedents of human love or admiration throughout the history of all things.
And although I admit that I may have started off with those reactions the first couple of times around the track because I was one of...
those... (lets just say I was not an unshakable warrior stud who always knew exactly what to say and do) but to be perfectly honest I don't suffer at all from a deficiency in game or self-confidence whatsoever any more.
I won't hesitate nor will I feel abundantly cocky to admit for the purpose of this discussion that I 'get it' now when it comes to dating and even singular gratifying hookups or 'catch and release' style teasing (or whatever else we could dream up). Just because I characteristically feel intense emotions towards a girl which tend to linger for months after a relationship
or a rejection
, I don't believe that I've ever been in such a mess that I couldn't go out and find a new love or a meaningless make out partner or whatever else (nor do I think I've been in such a mess that I couldn't do those things with complete sincerity to boot). In fact, I don't only believe it, I know it for sure since that's how it's been. And I'm not the only person that will tell you I have high standards and good values when it comes to choosing the women I want in my life. Once more, after retrospective exploration of these memories, I feel that not once have I resorted to a so-called 'rebound.' Although my feelings for lovers past may have been lingering even as the flame of new loves and friends-with-benefits situations ignited, those partners were in every sense separated and vindicated of second rate status in my eyes because I approached those situations and treated those individuals with complete sincerity and respect
every time. When something goes down (or UP! couldn't resist...XD) between two single individuals, that's all about the two of them
only, and that's how those individuals should approach one another (regardless of followup intentions) if they want it to be worth any of their time whatsoever.
I may have thought that I was in love every single time (save for those deliberate singular hook ups that
were fully sincere and compassionate no matter what you think), but just because I felt even more strongly for someone else later in life, it doesn't mean that I was never in love in the first place. I could have been validly in love every single time, because I didn't have to question myself or double think it once. And years later, in retrospect, no matter how young or naive or inexperienced I was (ok fine... let's say starting with crushes
after middle school XD) in any of those cases, I still feel 100% confident that I knew exactly what those feelings were.
When dealing with the sometimes intangible nature of love, it seems to me that if you have to ask yourself if you're in love in the first place, then that serves as piece of evidence for the counter case all on its own.
What do you guys think? Can people be validly in love with
every successive crush and romantic partner in their lives? Is it possible to start new relationships or to have hookups that
don't count as rebounds when you still carry feelings for someone from your past? If so, can
you pull it off yourself? Can someone be in love even if he or she has to double guess him or herself a bunch of times?
Please recommend this post by clicking on the heart just below!
Comments (89)
There's always someone else. Time heals everything. I'm not entirely sure about everything though. I've never been in love.
Here's your rec. <33 Oh! Aaand you grabbed my vote for your Scientific Spirituality vs. Fable and Fiction. I really enjoyed that post. =D
Hmm. There is one relationship in my life where I wasn't in love and it didn't take very much getting over at the end. But I still cared a whole heck of a lot about the guy and respected him and it was a great relationship while it lasted. We're still really good friends.
And I agree that mutually respectful hook-ups are interesting and valid things in their own right.
Even rebounds are ok, in that sense. As long as it's something between two people.
I think people are too afraid to be in love. Love is seen some big Disney idea that means we have to drop everything and sacrifice our life for this other person, and when the feelings wear off we'll wake up in a cage. We're afraid of being hurt and the fear and hurt makes us angry at the person who we percieve hurt us and we blame them for our lack of love. I think if we accept love and hurt we can love more freely and not be as bitter. Maybe. That's my theory. Who knows.
I know (and really, I mean KNOW) with all of my heart that I was in love with someone once. I've seen/been with other people and thought that I loved them, but in retrospect, I'm not sure I've ever loved anyone else.
Is it possible to love other people and in succession? I think everyone is capable, and that many are unwilling. It depends on the person.
I agree with the statement above (and the few sentences following it), people are too afraid to be in love. Reminds me of a leonard cohen lyrics- "all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya"
Good for you for being able to get back on your feet
I am not a rebound person but women are different than men. I focus my entire attention on someone when I date them and that is why I get my heart broken. Guys are not honest with women about their attentions many times. That is my main gripe about them!! You sound like a great guy!
@watersedge62 - I also focus my entire attention on a person when I date them. But if someone asks me what I think of a previous partner, I won't change my answer based on who's in the room. If I think someone's great than I will say it right in front of whoever because I won't compromise my relationships, whether they're over or not. But those feelings are independent of feelings for other individuals, so I see no conflict of interests as long as it's all one at a time.
@Alex_Horschack - I totally agree. Perhaps you should give lessons to guys on how to behave:)
I just can't ever recommend anything someone who asks for a recommend posts. It's some sort of ingrained trait into me, that if a post ends with "rec this, yo" or some equivalent, there's no way in hell I'm ever going to recommend it. It feels to me as though a post should be recommended on the merit of the post, not so much the "oh, and by the way" slight moment of pleading at the end. But what the fuck do I know, my inbox is crammed full of sheep who will recommend anything.
As for all this, typically I'm far too direct with my crushes for it to go anywhere; saying "holy shit, you have huge jugs and I totally want to fuck you" is only a good icebreaker after a certain point of drinking.
On that note; whiskey!
A rebound is when you just drag someone new into your life to replace the previous person, regardless of your affection towards that person. It should not be counted as a rebound when you are just directing your affection at a new person, when you actually care for that person--whether or not throwing away the emotions you still have towards the previous person is another thing.
And I do not believe such thing as someone not being able to live without another someone. If they can survive alone before they met the other person, they can continue living if/when the person is gone.
loving people and being "in love" are two very very very different things. i believe i have loved multiple people i have dated or been in relationships with... however, i have only been "in love" once. it was and still is a deep, unconditional love. there is nothing in this world that would ever cut off my feelings for him and nothing he could do that would be totally unforgivable (trust me... we've been down rough roads). i'm having trouble believing i can experience such a thing again with another person. i don't believe in love like i used to... and due to him and my one relationship since him, i know for sure that every love is not "in love." there is a strong difference.
these words are too deep for me to comprehend maybe because i don't date, i don't know how to rebound because i don't play basketball. i'm a dead kid
i dont think so. i just think love and infatuation are hard to differentiate
@tearsofpearls85 - Thanks for that! When you finish the rebound entry, drop me a line!
yey! you got featured
One thing is sure: Players will never know.
Their discrimination is forfeit.
Hmm, what would you consider 'validly in love' ? I'd rather know where you're coming from in that aspect that way when I answer the questions posted I don't have to go into a long boring explanation of my words and terms.
Crushes are crushes... They fall under that infatuation category for me... Love is too strong of a word to just be throwing around.. I would say I have only been IN LOVE 4 times... I have been infatuated probably a hundred times over... Different strokes for different folks... If you feel you were in love, then perhaps that works for you... I have more of a reserve for that... mmmmm FWB's, and flings are good times though... one night infatuations... weeeeee
I feel the same way in some respects. Every time I get into a new relationship I feel like, this is so much better than the last one! But I wonder if it really is better or whether it's just that memory has dulled the sharpness of the emotions from the last time.
@Drakonskyr - The request should not devalidate the quality of the entry! Those who ask just genuinely want it more. That's how politics work. ; )
Thanks for your thoughts though, hopefully I'll be able to make it on my own without your rec. I hope you won't take me less seriously just because of those rec requests though.
I can understand how people might question if they are in love when they are because it is a scary thing and it is an emotion that takes you by surprise. I think of love as an extremely deep emotion. I can understand that you may like someone very much but to be in love with someone every successive time is a bit too much. I think it is very hard to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back because you only truly know the person when both of you are into the relationship.
@stalkdebbie - Is this post really featured now?
@Alex_Horschack - believe me!!! i just clicked on it right from xanga front page. you want a screen shot? so you're featured for the second time, huh
@stalkdebbie - I feel so important! They didn't leave my last one up nearly as long as some of the others... Some of those features up right now were up before my last one ever made it, and now that's gone.
i think xanga likes controversial topics so try posting something about inter-racial relationships, abortion, lashing out against another xangan, etc
anything that has ever felt the same to you, even though it was a more intense feeling, doesn't exist.
i know that doesn't make sense. but i mean... true love is when you find something unlike anything.
when you find it, it's going to be completely different.
i see what you're saying how every single girl felt different, but the way you felt wasn't different. it was a more intense feeling than before, but it came from the same place and it was the same emotions.
true love is feeling an emotion you didn't know was in you. from a place you didnt know was there.
alright this is awkward cause i don't know you lol.